You’ll have to imagine me swearing

Hey, my parents read this blog.

So I have had a really, really bad day. Anyone following the twitter feed might’ve got an impression of the trip. I was going to write a full-length, scathing diatribe – a philippic, if you will – about the various misadventures of today, but it’d be too exhausting and probably upset you.

So in short:

– Buses full of prostitutes and meth addicts are weird.
– Sitting next to the harmless old lady in a bid to avoid said company subsequently guarantees you that the respective little old lady will be crazy.
– Having pepsi thrown all over you and your precious electronic equipment by aforementioned octogenarian is not helped by being blithely told it will dry out.
– Greyhound sucks.
– Greyhound sucks.
– Greyhound sucks.

It is darkly amusing that the city in which the canine-oriented company is based, Dallas, plays host to its worst-by-far station. When I found out that I had to wait three hours because I had missed the connection because the bus had arrived two hours late, I thought I would head downtown. But the station lockers were broken and the word ‘backpack’ can translate frighteningly easily to ‘mugged’. Knowing what the answer would be before I even asked, I queried a ranger as to the safety of the immediate area. He actually laughed.

So that was a no go.

I arrived in Abilene, not at 11:15pm as planned, but rather… oh, about an hour ago, at 3:10am. Josh was an absolute champion in going out of his way to pick me up when he had an early start at work the next day, and I have got a whole bed to myself and cereal and yay.

Anyway, I’m off to sleep, but I must thank WIckedKarma and his bonnie lass for their awesome hospitality, as well as an honourable mention for Melkor, who joined up with us yesterday to watch Alien at a place called the Drafthouse, which basically combines a restaurant with a cinema, which is actually genius because they enforce the silence rule with extreme prejudice: “We will bite you in the leg and hang you”. It was Melkor’s idea, also, so extra credit and a shiny gold star to him.

Maybe not the gold star, actually, we wouldn’t want him to start thinking he’s better than the other children.

I am going to sleep.

11 Responses to “You’ll have to imagine me swearing”

  1. 1 Houn 04/08/2009 at 8:30 am

    I believed you were warned about Greyhound, sir. I hate to say “I told you so”, but… aw, who am I kidding, I love saying it.

    Greyhound is the devil’s transit, forged from fel irons in the furnaces of Hell, powered by an infernal combustion engine, and fueled by the souls of children. It is a pale steed of death and suffering, leaving naught but misery in it’s wake. FEAR IT, GENTLE PEOPLE, LEST IT’S TEMPTATIONS DAMN YOUR SOUL!!!

  2. 2 MichaelLC 04/08/2009 at 9:28 am


    Glad you arrived somewhat damp and smelling of Chinese, but Greyhound makes Blaine the Mono look like a Celebrity cruise.

    Once you get over the Rocky Mountains, the trip will be all downhill, and most of it will be on gravel roads.

  3. 3 Arminas 04/08/2009 at 9:36 am

    Oh man, what equipment was damaged?

  4. 4 Adam / Melkor 04/08/2009 at 9:50 am

    “It was Melkor’s idea, also, so extra credit and a shiny gold star to him.”


    “Maybe not the gold star, actually, we wouldn’t want him to start thinking he’s better than the other children.”

    Aw 😦

  5. 5 TK-42-1 04/08/2009 at 10:11 am

    I was wondering when this would happen. Atleast you were well rested for this debacle.

  6. 6 rayofash 04/08/2009 at 3:05 pm

    Would it be more expensive to take trains?

  7. 7 flippyd 04/08/2009 at 3:10 pm

    Yes. I have a discovery pass which means that trains would be an extra, rather than an alternate, expense.

    It’s ok, I’m fine. And luckily – miraculously, even – nothing was damaged.

  8. 8 Renée 04/08/2009 at 5:31 pm

    At least you now have weirder anecdotes to add your story. How sickish, though. Next time you should sit by the meth heads. At least you know what to expect with them? haha.

  9. 9 jonxp 04/08/2009 at 9:34 pm

    Yep…you can’t say you weren’t warned about the bus.

  10. 10 Crash 04/08/2009 at 11:51 pm

    Warned you sooo hard.

  11. 11 Crash 04/08/2009 at 11:51 pm

    Does this make you a random avatar? That’s cool.

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